
Valentine Breakfast in Bed
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So you've just woken up with your sweetheart beside you
and you're feeling great. But don't get complacent: you've
probably got lethal morning breath and your sweetie is
about to start regretting that little slumber party.
You'll want to quash any second thoughts right away.
What's the best way to do that? Bust out the a.m. culinary
skills, baby! Nothing impresses a date like a wonderful
touch in the kitchen. If you've gotten your special
someone to spend the night, then we know you'll have given
some thought to the morning after - so don't screw things
up now by throwing a donut at your honey and telling
him/her, "Sure, I'll call."
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The prospect of cooking up some goodies in the kitchen can
trigger a little panic, but let us reassure you: you can
keep this as simple as you like or you can bring out the
big guns. It's up to you. Adjust your efforts in relation
to your need to impress. For all of the following
suggestions, you're going to need to slip out of bed first
to go and round up the goodies (don't forget to dress
yourself, though!). Just tell your honey to keep sleeping
and that you'll be back in a second. Of course, to make
this work most smoothly, you should get your act together
in advance.
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That means you're either going to have to evaluate with
complete honesty your ability to bed this person, or
you're just going to have to be prepared to eat alone,
albeit very well, the next morning.
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In addition to stockpiling ingredients in advance, you're
going to need a certain amount of hardware to pull this
off convincingly. That includes pots and pans, of course,
but aside from the cookware, you'll need a stylish vector
to transport the
fruit of all
your labor to your love's mouth. No matter how delectable
your food may be, carrying it into the bedroom on an old
pizza box just ain't going to cut it so be sure to acquire
a decent tray. Ideally, you'll be able to find one with
legs that fold down to create a little table over the
diner's lap.
On that tray, you really need only one extraneous
accoutrement: a bud vase. Lost you? A bud vase is a small
vase designed to hold only a single flower - we recommend
a rose. Again, buy the rose in advance unless you happen
to have some lying about in your kitchen, then store it in
your fridge with the stem in water. The cold will prevent
the rose from opening up, and the aesthetic of a tight bud
is much preferred by those in the know.
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So, with the decorations arranged, you will of course
still need some basic eating utensils: cutlery and plates.
You're not hosting English royalty here, so don't obsess
about this - just make sure they are clean. Remnants of
your last breakfast snuggle may not impress your love. For
your drinks, let's try to find some champagne flutes. The
only other thing you'll need is a napkin, to minimize the
inevitable spills that result from eating in bed. . . and
from the cavorting about you may do afterwards. Try to
make the napkin a cloth one; in a pinch, a piece of paper
towel will have to do but wood pulp products are just
inherently tacky.
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You may not always be able to fool your date into snoozing
for the entire time that it will take you to concoct your
ambrosia, so you may need to bring him or her appeasements
while you finish preparing the main course. We suggest a
few delicious snacks to hold him/her over while you work
on the grand prix. Of course, if your "guest" has behaved
him/herself during your preparation, you can simply bring
in these snacks together with the main breakfast dish when
it's ready. Each of our recommendations is fairly light,
and you should avoid foisting a huge dose of anything on
your amour this early in the morning. Bloated does not
equal frisky.
Nutella
The Euros have really struck gold with this stuff. Nutella
is a creamy chocolate spread flavored with hazelnuts. If
you think it looks alarmingly like vegemite or you've just
never heard of it, relax and trust us - the stuff is
absolutely delicious and you cannot go wrong with it.
Chocolate is the number one food for love, so you'll want
to introduce some into the meal as soon as possible. We
recommend buying some French or Italian loaves, preferably
ones that are fresh and can be torn apart. Simply tear off
a small clump of
bread and spread
a generous dollop of Nutella on it. That's it.
So how do you prepare this for your date? Tear off enough
two-inch-squared pieces of bread to cover a regular dinner
plate. Then spread a liberal dose of the Nutella over each
one. If your target is hankering for some food
immediately, just escort these goods into the boudoir
while you're working on the rest of the meal. Otherwise,
toss this plate on to your tray and hold it all for one
grand presentation. Nutella is one of those curious things
that is truly amazing but hasn't yet exploded across
America. Why don't you be the first to introduce your
amour to it? You're sure to create a fond memory.
Strawberries & Cream
How can you go wrong with these? Everybody living outside
of a plastic bubble loves strawberries and
cream, and you
can't find many more snacks that are so simple to prepare.
Let's start with the fruit. Like the rest of your
ingredients, you should buy them the day before, then
throw them in the fridge. For the purpose of feeding each
other strawberries, you should keep them intact rather
than slicing them up. That doesn't mean that you do not
have to prepare them, however. In fact, although this is
an easy snack to whip up, preparing strawberries does
involve a few minutes of work. Either the night before or
immediately before serving, rinse the strawberries to
remove any possible nasties from them. Now take a knife
and decapitate the little tuft of green vegetation at the
top of each strawberry. It's not edible, trust us. Once
the fruit is rinsed and shorn, it's ready.
Next, the cream. You can take one of two routes: either
bust out the can of Readiwhip and just squirt away or make
some decent stuff. The decent stuff is known formally as
chantilly cream. Here's what you'll need to make
it:
-
1
cup of whipping cream
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3
tablespoons of powdered sugar
-
½
teaspoon of vanilla extract
In a bowl, whip the chilled cream until it stiffens up
from a liquid into little peaks. Next, add the vanilla and
powdered sugar slowly while you continue beating the
cream. Voila!
You can serve this mix in a simple bowl, though it looks
best in glass-stemmed dishes. Just fill the bowl with
strawberries and top it off with sinful amounts of the
cream. The idea here is for you to transport berries to
target's mouth with your own fingers.
Pastries
Okay, this is the one for when you just don't have any
time. You're going to need to hit a bakery to grab a few
goodies, but freshness is key with baked goods, so if you
take this tack, try to pull it off as soon as possible
before the meal. Here's what to ask for: pain au
chocolate (known roughly in this country as chocolate
croissants). Again, notice the chocolate theme. These
goodies are a staple morning snack in Frenchish-speaking
regions of the world - Quebec, Switzerland, France but
despite that, they really are delicious. Keep it simple:
buy two or three and just arrange them on a plate. If you
like, you can sprinkle a little flour around your face and
clothes to make it look like you slaved away at baking.
Done!
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French Toast
Scrambled Eggs
Enough stalling, let's get to the real prize. Remember:
breakfast is not dinner, so you don't need four courses or
anything like that. Aside from the aforementioned snacks,
which are not critical, all you need is one decent plate
of food. Hell, showing up with a banana in your hand will
probably be more than your date expects. But let's not be
rude. We're going to offer you two basic choices here -
one is sweet (French toast) and the other is savory
(scrambled eggs).
French Toast
This dish is a classic for anyone who likes to kick off
the day with a slightly sweeter flavor. And the best thing
about this one is that the finished product looks quite
complex even though it is really basic to cook.
Ingredients
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1
baguette (fancy bread)
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6
eggs
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4
tablespoons of maple syrup
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1
tablespoon of butter (and a few extra slices to put on
top when you're done)
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1
handful of corn flakes
-
some powdered sugar, if that floats your boat
That's it! Some people fancy it up with other bits and
pieces, but we'll keep it simple.
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Slice
the baguette into thin little ovals of bread, to a
thickness of about a quarter of an inch. It's
important not to use slices of bread that are too thick,
otherwise you won't cook the interior which will lead to
a soggy egg center - foul.
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Crack
the eggs into a bowl and mix them vigorously with a
fork.
-
Into the eggs, add four tablespoons of maple
syrup and keep mixing; this will sweeten the overall
flavor of the dish, but not too much. When you serve it,
you can, of course, add more syrup to your liking.
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Take a small handful of corn flakes and crumble
them up into small pieces and drop them into the
egg-syrup mix. Weird, right? But trust us, the corn
flakes give the finished product a great crispy texture
that is a great solution to the problem of soggy toast.
Now that the eggs are ready and you have your bread
sliced, it's time to combine them.
-
Simply drop the pieces of bread into the egg mix,
and leave them to soak up the eggs for five minutes
or so. You want the egg mixture to permeate the bread
entirely.
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As
the bread is soaking, melt a tablespoon of butter
into a frying pan.
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When the butter has melted, drop pieces of soaked
bread into the pan.
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Now all you need to do is heat the bread through
to a dark golden brown on both sides. Be sure you leave
the bread in the pan for a while, even if you darken it
quickly because you want to make sure that the egg
mixture on the inside of the bread is also cooked. Trust
us, nothing is grosser than biting into a soggy egg mix.
This is why we recommend slicing the bread a little
thinner.
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Once the slices of bread are ready, remove them
from the pan and place them on a paper towel to blot up
any excess butter.
-
While they're still warm, transfer them to a
plate, and put a few dollops of butter on the
slices.
You're ready to serve! We like to sprinkle a little
powdered sugar and some syrup on the toast, but since
people feel differently about those things, we suggest you
ask your dining companion first.
Scrambled Eggs
Scrambled eggs involve many of the same ingredients as
French toast, but the tenor of the dish is much more
savory. So ditch the sugar and syrup. Here's what you'll
need:
Ingredients
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6
eggs
-
a
few pinches of salt
-
a
few pinches of pepper
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½
cup of milk
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butter
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a
few drops of Tabasco sauce
-
bread
-
5
sun-dried tomatoes (optional)
-
½
cup of feta cheese (optional)
So here we go with our home-style cookin', just like Mama
used to make:
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Begin by cracking the eggs into a bowl and
beating them with a fork or a whisk.
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Next, add a few pinches of salt and pepper
and a few drops of Tabasco, mixing all the
while. Now, there are different schools of thought on
the milk thing. Some people like to add a few splashes
of milk (half a cup) to reduce the eggy taste of
the dish, but we think that milk can sometimes make the
dish a little watery. We highly recommend that you
experiment with this dish; do not try this out for the
very first time on your plaything.
That brings us to the sun-dried tomatoes and feta cheese
issue. We love these ingredients and they will
definitely make your dish distinctive and memorable. But
some people aren't so keen on their strong flavors. So
if you're scrapin' up the scrambled eggs unannounced for
your sweetheart, you may not want to take this risk.
Perhaps you can cook conservatively the first time and
save the fireworks for the next time around. If you do
decide to get crazy, you should crumble half a cup
of feta into the egg mix together with five diced
sun-dried tomatoes.
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Once the eggs and companion ingredients have been
thoroughly whisked, you should begin heating the
pan.
-
Drop
a tablespoon of butter into a pan.
-
When the butter is melted, pour the egg
mixture into the pan. We strongly recommend that you
keep the pan on a low flame because scrambled
eggs are notorious for sticking to the pan.
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As
the eggs heat through, you'll see some fascinating
exothermic reactions at work: the eggs cook in layers
that you should occasionally scrape from the
bottom of the pan, to allow uncooked mixture access to
the heat. But be gentle and you'll be very grateful if
you use a non-stick pan. Again, this takes a bit of a
deft touch, so you may want to practice in advance.
The eggs will be done when they have solidified up into
nuggets of cooked clumps. Some people like their eggs a
little runnier and others are into a drier version - the
conservative way to go is to keep it dry. So keep
cooking until there's no liquid egg left and your
nuggets are golden brown.
-
Serve
the eggs on top of buttered slices of bread and
sprinkle with a little more salt and pepper.
You're done!
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With all this food about, you're going to need something
to quench your thirst. As we hinted earlier, we think that
mimosas are the best romantic breakfast drinks. The fact
that they are alcoholic is an added benefit that will,
hopefully, work to prolong the romance of your date.
Mimosas are very simple to make:
Ingredients
Pre-meal preparation: you should chill both ingredients,
but remember that it's just not good form to toss ice
cubes into this mix.
Fill a champagne flute half-way with orange juice
and top it off with champagne for a fifty-fifty
mix.
That's it! |
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So you have your snacks (Nutella, strawberries, or
pastries), your main dish (French toast or scrambled
eggs), and libations (the mimosas) all arranged on a
lovely tray with a unique gift basket from Romance 365 or
a heartwarming rose. Show up in the bedroom with this
package and we guarantee you tremendous success. . . in
whatever it is you're trying to do. Just don't take two
hours to pull it off. |
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